Finally a Little Progress

That's right, after almost a week off of school, I finally got one of my assignments done. I don't procrastinate or anything...lol. I painted a canvas today with some quote I found on Pinterest. "Relax: You are enough, You have enough, You do enough." Can't wait to hang it in my room. Life has been pretty uneventful which I guess is always a good thing. I have just been taking time adjusting to some of the changes I have going on right now. I finally gave myself a haircut after almost a year and added a few highlights to it. Pretty proud of myself, turned out super cute :). Tomorrow, I just have my Statistics to do and Medical Terminology assignments. Also, I want to get a little ahead in Anatomy because I have a C right now and that HAS to change or I will be super disappointed in myself. After Church, that'll be my day I suppose :)

Out with the old...

I woke up today with my throat on fire. Of course I'd get sick on my last week off before work. I gave myself a goal this morning to work on my school assignments today, and get at least one done. That didn't exactly happen, BUT, I did get 3 books for my research paper. I guess you could call that progress lol. I focused the rest of my morning deciding I needed a major change, and applied for some jobs that would get my foot in the door towards nursing.  There were two in particular that I REALLY REALLY want and I pray to God that I get one or the other. One in particular would deal with infants and ideally when I graduate I want to work in pediatrics somehow.

Tomorrow my goal is to definitely get something done school related. My three major things that need to be worked on, are my notes for my statistics test on Monday, my 5 paragraph essay on independent thinking for English 102, and I need to get more notecards done for anatomy. I currently have a C in Anatomy and if anyone has ever met a nursing student, they know that is just unacceptable. 
 
Not too much is going on, so I guess I will waste away the rest of my night playing stupid addicting facebook games...I'm a rebel. :)

Full of Emotions

Today I am filled with mountains of different emotions. I'm happy...I had a very low key day, I spent most of the day knitting a scarf I have been working on (because I'm secretly an old lady), I baked a cake, and did little chores around the house. I love days like this, uneventful, and easy.  I'm angry...one of my favorite people to work with was fired today. She had worked there for over 30 years and although she seems to be okay with it, I'm not. Anyone else messes up things and they don't get in trouble, they get a slap on the wrist and move on. Which leads me to the fact that I feel sad...when I return to work next week, almost everyone who I held near and dear to me will be gone. Now, I'm ashamed to say, that I'm going to be forced to keep to myself and not socialize with anyone more than I need to, which isn't me, but I'm not dealing with all of the negativity anymore (see last post). I'm nervous...I just took my last antidepressant and I'm scared of what's to come.  Last time I stopped taking them, it was NOT a good result. I'm thinking I might just try it for a few days, and if I don't feel right, I'll refill it. It would be my last refill, and then I should do the smart thing and go talk to my doctor about it. I'm disappointed in myself. I have a C in anatomy right now, and I know I can do SO MUCH better than that. It's time that I apply myself and get the grades I KNOW I can get.

My next few days will be pretty boring. I need to get things done around the house that I wasn't able to do while I was on crutches. I need to get myself a new book. I want to read something positive and inspirational, so any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. I'm thinking of Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert...but I am also open to other books as well.

Reflections

I haven't been working for a month now because of ankle surgery, and I go back in about a week. I have had A LOT of free time on my hands which has forced me to reflect on myself. I have a lot of issues, as most of us do, and I have decided to start battling them head on. I have clinical depression and have been taking anti depressants on and off for about 5 years now. I have decided that tomorrow will be my last day of taking them. I refuse to let my happiness depend on a pill any longer. This is one of the main reasons for this blog. I need something to vent to. I need to find what makes ME happy and do it.

A lot of people have it way worse than I do, and I need to start being thankful for what I have. My happiness from now on, will come from myself. From here on out, I will believe in myself. I refuse to second guess myself anymore. I refuse to let my happiness depend on what others think of me. I need to learn to be happy with myself.

I go to school full time for nursing. I get amazing grades, and I love learning new things. This I am thankful for and happy about. I have a job that pays my bills, and although it angers me at times, most people cannot say they have one. I have a family who supports me and always has my back no matter how angry we get at each other at times. I also have some amazing friends who I cherish and try to keep close to me at all times. I have a dog who I often refer to as my son who has taught me the true meaning of love.

Time to focus on me, and making myself the best version of me possible.